Everyone has experienced their heart being broken with fragmented pieces scattered, feeling as if they will never come together again. It may feel that way for a short while or for what seems like a lifetime; no matter. When the heart is broken there’s only one thing to do and that is…make it whole again. A whole heart is a happy heart; a whole heart is a loving heart and to experience that is worth what it takes, on How to Heal a Fragmented Heart.
WHAT IS A FRAGMENTED HEART?
A fragmented heart is one which is absent from the feeling of ever being able to love again. Not only does the heart seem as if it is in a million pieces but a steal vault is up around it with warning signs glued to the front saying, “Keep Out! Proceed at Your Own Risk!” After time, the excruciating pain is not felt as deeply as when the separation first occurred but the armor is still up daring anyone to get past it. And, if someone is able to put a kink in the armor they’d better be prepared for what they might get. Meanness, anger, hatred, resistance, avoidance, aloofness, or sometimes, down right irrational craziness. Everything and anything that produces the message to stay away; you’re not welcome here.
But of course, it is all a smoke screen. It is simply a way to stop whoever it is from getting all the way through to the heart because when that happens, look out…the remnants of a heart is exposed and the pain of it comes flooding up to the surface. The fractured heart is discovered and it becomes apparent to the person who opened Pandora’s Box that, “Here lies a heart filled with not only pain but regret, hatred, unworthiness and a lack of forgiveness.” What happened to fragment the heart? Is it possible that such a heart can be healed and made whole again?
WHAT CAUSES A FRAGMENTED HEART?
To begin the process of healing, a level of understanding one’s self is important because having a whole loving heart brings many forms of energy that carry positive feelings, thoughts and sensations. These energy forms come from deep within the person’s soul, but as long as the heart is masked with every form of protection, driven by a lack of self-awareness, any healing that takes place would actually be only surface deep; not skin deep. Therefore, examining some of the personal causes for a segmented heart will help get to the root of the situation. Once the roots have been eradicated new seedlings, from within, are able to be nourished with water, sun and food through the acts of agape love.
There are many beliefs and conditions which cause a fragmented heart; but four have been identified as major contributing factors. They include:
1. The Misconception of Self and/or Others – The reason this causes a broken heart is because, everyone has a belief about who they are, the type of character they have, what and how they expect to handle things in all situations and so forth. Therefore, there is a level of trust one has within him/herself to choose the “right” types of relationships or secure goals to have. But then, when it is discovered, what was thought to be the right romantic, friendship or business partner was, indeed, not the right person at all, misconception is the perplexing question asking; “How could I have been so wrong? How could s/he have done…?” In fact, characteristics of compassion, lovingness, nurturing, integrity, honesty, loyalty, etc. were simply disguises, completely opposite from what was originally thought. These misconceptions can completely derail one’s senses and sensibilities. Where loyalty or honesty existed, mistrust lives there now; where love and compassion was experienced hatred and anger take their place. And where integrity was held with great esteem, severe disappointment and resentment set in. It does not matter if it’s for one’s self or in relationship to the other person, the misconceptions cause a segmented heart.
2. Taking Things Personally – This is a big one because everything which happens to, for or because of oneself, it is taken personally. After all it is personal to that individual, whatever the experience right? Well, yes and no. Taking things personally means literally, taking to heart (or taking into the heart) what another person says or the actions another takes in reference to you. When doing this it places personal power into the hands of someone else, rendering you a victim on some level. Once you have turned over your power you have given permission for the other person to handle you at their will and you will accept it. Is this personal to you? Of course because you have allowed it, even though it was not your intention. Nevertheless, no one can or will take care of your heart the way you do. So, if one seems to abuse you, take advantage of your loving kindness, or withhold love in any form, taking it personally will shatter your heart. It is not personal to you because it is the other person who has displayed these traits. It is her or him who has the real challenging issues which must be corrected. You may be the catalyst for some of their behavior but it doesn’t mean you have to accept it, taking it on as if you and you alone are solely responsible for their believes or actions toward you.
3. Believing What Others Think About You – This, like taking things personally, etches deep scars within the heart. When you believe what other people think about you, you are, again, accepting what someone else’s opinion is. If what’s believed is unfavorable then you, energetically, live up to what that believe is – at least with that individual. As soon as there is any level of acceptance about who you are or what you do, you have given away your power and you will “show up” as that person they see. You put yourself not only in the victim mode but in a behavior altering space. This is not the time to go into the physics of it but, it is what happens. In fact, as you think it about it right now what’s coming into mind is how you do become what others believe about you. For example: someone you know thinks you’re funny and every time you are around that person you become a ‘professional’ comedian; or another person thinks of you as being the stupidest person in the room and when around that person you seem to loose retention and reasoning. If other’s think negatively of you and you continue to accept it self-esteem grows lower, invalidation sets in and your heart becomes segmented; snap – broken. What other people think about you is none of your business. This is a policy that will help begin to heal the fragmented heart.
4. Compromising Your Personal Beliefs and Values – When you compromise your beliefs and values you will compromise yourself with others at the expense of yourself. It begins with a belief, on your part, that the other person has your best interest or that they know more, understand more or have more experience than you. You admire him / her so you change or compromise what’s part of your very fabric for someone else’s. In some instances you may even compromise yourself knowingly, to hold onto what feels like love or security or loyalty; only to find out later the other person was not worthy of you compromising yourself. When discovering you gave away significant important aspects about how you express your nature, definite disappointment sets in causing the shattered heart effect, particularly in reference to that other person.
MAKING THE HEART WHOLE AGAIN
When it comes to repairing the heart it may seem like a daunting task. The first line of defense is to protect the heart at all costs which means rather than repair it, better to lock it away and forget that it’s broken – then learn to love or allow being loved to happen from afar. It would be easy to assume that once the pain is no longer felt, all is good again but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Underneath the surface lies a heart that is still shattered waiting to be integrated into the whole, loving, viable heart it really is. There are two steps toward making the heart whole again; releasing the pain and trauma which caused the break and connect with loving yourself and others.
1. Releasing Pain and Trauma – There are a few methods that can be used for releasing pain and trauma. Or, put another way, releasing the emotional sting of past experiences that require letting go of anguished feelings. Many of these methods are tried and true and some may be new to you. Here are some of the things you can do:
a. Take Deep Breaths; from the tips of your toes up through your spin to the top of your head, and then release the breath slowly. Do this at least 10 times when you have overwhelming feelings of heartache become present.
b. Meditate Every Day for at Least 30 Minutes – Here’s one that can help you: http://bit.ly/1s64IrB
c. Do an EFT (Tapping) Exercise to release painful emotions when memories begin to flood your consciousness. Here’s a simple one you can do: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lN7ti1fgVlI
d. Journal Writing is a great way to release on the pages what you are feeling and what you’d like to say to the other person. The action of actually writing [not typing on the computer] is a physiological exercise forcing your conscious and subconscious mind to let go of what it’s holding onto.
2. Loving Yourself and Others – The best way to receive anything is by giving the same exact, or in-like-kind, type of energy. What this means is that in order to repair a broken heart, by making it whole again, you must love yourself and other’s unconditionally, divinely. Through the pure act of giving love, it is the love itself that heals the wounded heart. To this end here are some things that can assist you in loving purely again:
a. Seeing the True Essence of Spirit, within the physical body, is a great way to love the “real” person. Look into someone else’s eyes or your own eyes in the mirror. Continue to peer into those beautiful eyes until you see the essence, spirit of that person and say “Hello”. When you do this you will see the real light within; then the healing, for you, can take place. Because it reminds the soul of who you or that other person is and that you or they are truly seen.
b. Allow Others and Yourself to be Personally Expressive; With No Judgments. Each time you have judgment around what someone does, says, thinks or behaves like, you are judging what Divine Source perceives as perfect the way s/he is. And, that includes you! To allow an expression of energy does not mean you choose to be around or interact with that energy. What it simply means is that you acknowledge the energy for expressing itself the way it does period. Just because you do not like someone (or you aren’t like him/her) doesn’t mean you can’t love the person unconditionally. It doesn’t mean you don’t desire the absolute best for that spirit. Therefore, tame the negative tongue, thoughts and actions toward another person and yourself. Immediately replace the negative with an opposite positive word, thought or action and discover how your heart starts to feel better.
c. Forgiveness of Anyone, Including Yourself, who you believe has done something wrong to you, is crucial in healing a fractured heart. To forgive means “For Giving Love” or to give love where love is needed by you. When you forgive you are actually acknowledging the glory of the person needing to be forgiven. And, in that act you are letting go of those feelings you have given power to in keeping your heart from being whole. Follow this Forgiveness Exercise to heal your heart: http://bit.ly/UKBL7A
Healing a fragmented heart can be, but is usually not, a quick process. In deed it is a process, but one that is well worth going through to bring about a whole heart from whole love. Whether you are aware of it or not, there is still someone who needs forgiving. There are still emotional experiences from the past that could use clearing. There is still an opportunity for you to connect with the divine in each person to have a free loving heart that will transcend the fragmented pieces – bringing them together again as one.
Lynne Herod-DeVerges, founder Center of Light Miracles
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